I just remembered that My social skills (which is a wrong word for what I possess) are more
fractured than the head of a nail. So here is a peek into a few indignities of
my threateningly endangered social existence.
CASE 1:
Guy: *accidently touches my boob with his bare hands* (well,
I don’t think it’s accidental)
Me: *wishes for a portal to open into a parallel universe*
uhh....huh *Averts gaze like I am Scott Summers*
Guy: *sickly pallor and a death wish* uh..I....Sorry....God,
I hope I instantaneously combust...but...umm...I am sincerely sorry...I’ll
understand if we discontinue the friendship. *Deer
caught in headlights*
Me: *takes a deep
breath* It’s all right. Brain: *I want
to kiss that face*
Guy + Me : *Mexican Standoff of stares ensues*
Guy: I can’t even pat/massage the part I hit.
Guy + Me : *UGLY RIOTS OF LAUGHTER*
Brain: *I wish you could though, I don’t mind massages :P *
Guy I have been stalking for a while: *waves* Yo! *expects reciprocal YO, ignorant fool*
Me: *Looks at him and then behind herself for another
person, coast is clear? What?* Gggggg...
*sprints away faster than Barry Allen*
And never crosses path with the aforementioned guy until the
end of college life.
CASE 3:
Stranger: Could you hold the door for me please? My hands
are kind of full.
Me: *holds the door without replying*
God: *sends a fleet of strangers who suddenly want to go to
the store*
Me: *After 30 years of holding the door for the entire
population of the country* My hands hurt, How do I tell them that I need to
pee?
CASE 4:
A college Senior: * waiting in the food line*
Me: *forgets to take a fork, goes back to the table and
weirdly makes faces and grunts so as to get the senior to move* *faintly
whispers* Excuse me ma’am.
Senior: *thinks I wished her good evening* Hey what’s
up?....*smiles and does not move*
Me: *NOOOOOO* Nevermind, I’ll use the spoon for the noodles.
*walks away*
CASE 5:
Communal Hostel Washroom: *Batch mates lurking in the dark
corners*
Me: *groans internally* Some other life then, Goodbye acute
need to pee.
CASE 6:
Me: *to the pizza guy* Thanks..
Pizza Guy: Enjoy.
Me: Umm..you too.
Brain: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?
CASE 7:
Person: *is three years older than me* Oh hi there! I know your full name, your family history, your first
words, what you’re favorite ice cream flavor is, who you hang out with, and
every embarrassing moment of your childhood!
Me: *sweats* Your
name has an “ah” sound in it, right?
CASE 8:
Me: * sitting
with a person who was clearly forced to socialise because our parents know each
other*
*AFTER AN HOUR OF EXCRUCIATING SILENCE*
Me: I love quiet
people.
Brain: *FUCK
YOU*
CASE 9:
Person: *Has
gathered all the wrong trivia of my favorite fandom and is not shutting up*
Me: Be right
back*I need to cleanse the lies out of my mind* *flicks Holy water all over her
body*
CASE 10:
Something Me
and my friend were told:
“You guys are worse than gangsters. At least gangsters acknowledge each
other when they walk past each other.”
BONUS:
GOTCHA MOM.
